Our New Chapter: Southern Illinois

It's a good thing I thought we were through the worst of times a year ago. If we had known how much we still had ahead of us, it may have been a little too overwhelming.

We aren't in Kansas any more.

When we first moved to Kansas, we loved it. We loved where we were and could see staying there forever. When we retired out of Germany, we were beyond excited to move back into our house and pick up where we left off. Things didn't go as smooth as we had planned.

In this last year, we have learned through experience how difficult unemployment is on a family. 

We are completely convinced as well that until you endure the hardships that come with looking for a job to support a family, you have no idea how tough it is each and every single day.

After a rough six months and being backed into a corner by Jim's job in Kansas, we knew we had to make a change. Forced to move {laterally} to a position requiring him to work 6-7 days a week, longer hours and remaining on second shift were just a few of the reasons we decided to take a leap of faith.

Just a month prior, we finalized the sale of our house and moved into a little rental house with big plans of building next to friends on twenty acres of land right in town. We were excited.

Unable to find a job or even get offered an interview, we knew we could not live on retirement alone.

Having sold our house, we realized we had nothing holding us to Kansas other than our good friends. For the first time in our marriage other than our move back from Germany, we did not have the Air Force telling us where to move next.

Our decision to move to southern Illinois was a quick one but it made perfect sense. With a large headquarters base and family in the area, we knew the opportunities for jobs were much greater. 

Having Jim's cousin offer us his house and side jobs softened the blow and eased yet another difficult transition.

The last four months have not been easy. 

Fortunately, things are finally looking up and falling into place.

After applying to nearly 200 jobs- corporate and government, Jim was finally offered interviews for three separate jobs. Up until this point, he was not even given a chance but instead turned down for job after job after job without even meeting him. 

Within a week's time, he was offered all three jobs and accepted a full-time, permanent GS position at Scott Air Force Base. We couldn't believe it. Some days, we still can't.

Five days after receiving the job offer, we closed on our new home.

We have been in our new house just ten days. 

Even spending weekends on the road to watch Justin play football, things have already calmed down. 

Without a doubt, we know this is where we are supposed to be. 

We are excited for simplicity. We are craving routine and organization. 

We are elated to close that last chapter and start this new one.

R E T I R E D ... on to the N E X T chapter

It was a beautiful day for our family. Jim is officially retired- going out with a beautiful ceremony.

His buddies put an incredible amount of work into making it just right. The only thing missing was Justin and the rest of our family. Other than that, it was quite perfect. It was all about family.



While they {every higher-ranking official in his squadron} did not want him to retire early and did not think it would be approved, all who spoke agreed that Jim not only talk family- he lives it.

It was mentioned several times how important it is for us to be close to Justin.

The picture just doesn't look right without him in it. There is a hole and he was definitely missed.

Jim apologized to Justin {it's on video... Justin hasn't seen it or heard it yet...} for missing his first two seasons of football.

Now that we are moving back, we don't have to miss another season. We get to be there and we can't wait to get everyone settled. It is not easy being a military kid. Both Justin and Ty had adjustments being moved mid-high school but neither missed a beat- we could not be more proud of them and the men they are becoming.

Our friend in attendance told us afterwards that as the guys filed in and sat down- there was one who sat right behind them. As he looked up and saw it was actually Jim retiring he said, "Oh man- he was one of the cool ones." I couldn't agree more.

So funny as you know they get the email about the retirement and are told to show up even if they don't pay attention to who it is retiring.

His Chief said Jim was a future chief- no doubt. With that, there was applause in the hanger. He then went on to say that he chose his family over his career- something that he admired and a lesson he would take with away from knowing Jim.

I could not have been more proud to be his wife.

While he would have preferred to not speak, Jim had no choice but to thank everyone and speak for a few minutes. He did a fabulous job especially considering he would rather do just about anything that speak in public.

We were blessed to have close friends who took time out of their schedules to be with us.
It is a special time for our family. Today is our last full day in Germany. Tomorrow, we get on the plane. Let this new chapter begin... we are SO ready!

there's no place like H O M E

You would think having not blogged for almost two solid months things were boring around our house.

Nothing could be further from the truth.
With work and school and kids and basketball- our days have been full.

In fact, things are about to get a little more exciting.
I'm not sure even we will be able to handle it.

The bottom line: we are going home.

The Air Force {US government} is doing this whole re-shaping thing right now cutting back the military. We don't get it, we just know it's going on.

In January, an email was sent out offering an early retirement to those who qualify. We fit in the time frame that they offered with Jim hitting 19 years of service this July.

We talked about it {for about an hour} and decided to go for it.

More than anything, we are tired. We are ready to be settled. We are ready to be back in our house. We are really ready to be close to Justin and closer to family. We are ready to get Ty in college in the states.

Jim immediately submitted his packet and we have been in limbo for three months. That might not seem like long but it is when you are trying to plan your life, or even the next six months.

Last week, an article came out in the Air Force Times that all early-retirement decisions were being put on hold. More people are trying to get out than they planned on. We thought for sure that our chances were slim to none.

In fact, Wednesday night we started talking about a job in Georgia. It was actually sounding like a good plan. A path we might follow.

Thursday {March 13} around noon, Jim received his retirement orders. Not just the approval but actual orders straight from the Secretary of the Air Force. As of July 31st, his commitment to the United States Air Force is served and he is released.

He messaged me to call him immediately- we are OUT.

When he arrived home around 5:00, he let me know he had packers scheduled April 4th and 6th, taking everything on April 7th.

Just over three weeks and our lives are being packed up. Who does that?

The details will work themselves out. They always do. My non-procrastinating husband {a personality trait I actually love} reminds me daily that this is what we do.

We work well together under pressure.
We work well together.
We will be fine in spite of the stress of the next three weeks.

It will not be easy saying our goodbyes here. We have the most cherished friendships and memories that we will treasure forever.

Friendships that we would never have made had we not left Kansas. With plans of returning to Kansas, we are actually overjoyed. If I could fast forward the next three weeks, we would. I might just have to stop substitute teaching this week- I'm not sure there is time to work!

We can't wait to get back in our house with the boys' hand prints in concrete behind our shop.
We can't wait to get our business back up and running full speed- we are bursting with ideas and plans.

We can't wait to get settled and pick up where we left off.
There's no place like home- especially when Kansas is home!

as much as the M O O N and the S U N {and the stars}

Ten days ago, we had an anniversary.
This week, we celebrated.

In beautiful Rome.

Three days and two nights to experience this magnificent city together.
Thanks to Ty, we were able to make the trip alone.

Few people {especially new friends} know our family story. I like to think of it as our happily ever after.

Up until this anniversary, our little guys did not even know. As we have reached anniversaries, we have added ten years to our actual time married just to simplify things for the them.

Or, maybe it was to simplify things for us.

We knew they would eventually add up the years and the ages of the big guys and put it all together. Instead of having them so confused, this was the year that we broke it to them.

We really haven't been married forever, but instead eleven years.

As Caden and I were waiting for Coleman after school on the day of our anniversary- he asked me how long his dad and I had been married. I asked him in response if he wanted in on a big family secret. Of course, he did.

I kept it simple. I was married before. Justin and Ty were adopted by dad.
Everything was legal and perfect. There were no step-anythings.

He looked at me with his thinker face {if you know our little man, you know what I'm talking about} for a few seconds. Then, he asked if Coleman knew yet. He was excited to be the first to know.

Then, he asked if Justin and Ty knew that they were adopted.
That's it.

As soon as I told them that they knew everything, he was fine.
End of discussion.

Letting Coleman in on our family secret went about the same.
No big deal. No real questions and we went on with what happened that day.

As we returned home from Rome last night, this note folded and tucked perfectly inside of an envelope was waiting.

Our life is our happily ever after. No doubt, we have tough days and tough weeks.
We also have so much good to go with the tough.
My man is the love of my life; our boys are our joy.
So much life. I am one lucky girl.

the price of S U P E R on the economy

I keep repeating myself. We are running out of time.

Looking at the months we have left in Europe and the places we need to see, I am not sure there are enough weekends to fit it all in. But, we are going to try!

We could have moved back without going to Poland again, but why? I am the only one who has gone, and really wanted to go back with Jim.

Last week, the boys were out of school on Friday which also means I was off work. It was a good day to make a trip somewhere.

We decided a day or two before for Jim to take the day off and make a quick trip. 
With the boys starting basketball in December, we know open weekends off are soon to be filled up.
Ty had to work on Friday, so we had a cute girl come over to babysit.

With Ty finally driving- the problem with transportation is solved. A beautiful thing.


Poland is super cheap. We could have done a 24-hour trip again, but decided to spend the night instead. Our room was not fancy, and the bed was not comfortable, but for around $50 {including breakfast} we were fine. 

We left Mackenbach about 3:30am and drove straight to Boleslawiec- the beautiful town of ceramics. North east of our house, we drove through Dresden {a city I would love to spend more time in} and just over the border into Poland.

Our destination was slightly south east of Berlin- another city on our list.
No police stops this trip {Jim was driving}, but we did have Esso station issues.

We carefully mapped out where the last Esso station in Germany was in order to avoid paying for gas on the economy or in Poland.

Before filling up, I went in and asked the ladies at the gas station if they would take our Esso card- pre-loaded with $ which allows us to receive our rationed price.

They were not sure if it would work or not, so we decided to just test it with 5 Euro before filling up our whole tank.

I'm not sure what part she did not understand, but as soon as I tried to run our card to pay the 5 Euro, she realized they would take our card and told us to finish filling up. I tried to pay the 5 Euro, but she reassured me that it was fine- go fill up.

Unfortunately, because we had two transactions, it would not go through. So frustrating. She told us to figure it out when we got back to Ramstein. We ended up having to pay {economy price} right there.

Price to fill up was a whopping 94 Euro, which is $131.50.
Ouch.

Fortunately, Esso made it right and after filling out a dispute {once we returned to the base}, they approved it and refunded us the difference.

In order to do this, they go back to that day and figure out the price of gas.

Convert the euro to dollar rate that day based on the euro.
Subtract what we should have paid {our rationed price} from what we paid. The bottom line shocked us. If the transaction had been done properly, we should have paid $58.61.

A huge difference {our refund} of $72.89 on one tank of gas- more than it cost us to fill up. Wow.
At least we had a full tank of gas and were on our way to a full day of shopping and togetherness.

up N O R T H

It was a quick weekend, but we were able to check another country off our list of places to see. Friday night, we drove about an hour to Frankfurt-Hahn- the small airport we were departing from with a final destination of  Stockholm, Sweden.

We took off at 9:15pm and arrived in Stockholm about 11:15- a quick two-hour flight north. It might sound crazy to visit Scandinavia in March. We figured- why not?  Ty was good with the boys and we were also blessed with friends who invited them over to hang and have dinner. So nice.

The airport we were flying into is about an hour's drive from downtown Stockholm. Catching an early flight home on Sunday morning {7:00}, we figured it might be easiest to stay close to the airport.

We booked a room at a hotel that said it was a short walk to the airport. We did not expect it to be right across the street. I had forgotten the name of the hotel we booked, but did not think it was the Connect.

We decided to walk in and ask where "our" hotel was only to discover we were actually booked there.

It could not have worked out better.
We got settled in and ready to get up early for a full Saturday downtown.

I usually kick into super planning mode before we take a trip. Being sick last week, it was all I could do to make it through each day. Needless to say, I did not plan as I would normally have planned.

Lesson learned- it's ok to go with the flow. It's ok to learn as you go. It's ok to not plan out every last second and every detail.

What we did not realize {and we should have living in Europe for two years} is that the bus schedule was cut short being Saturday. The bus we wanted to take downtown would take us down at 10:00am, and the last trip back to the airport was at 3:30. That did not leave us too much time to sight see.

The girl at the hotel did not have any options to offer us. The girl at the bus window was very helpful coming up with a plan b and even went a step further by printing out the city bus schedule for us.

Instead, we decided to take a different coach bus back to the next town, then a city bus to the airport/our hotel. It worked out and we had plenty of time to see what we wanted to see while in the Capital of Sweden and also the Capital of Scandinavia.

If I had to pick one word to describe our first impression of Stockholm, it would {maybe} be grand. It is one of the most beautiful cities- built on 14 islands connected by 57 bridges. The architecture, the colors, the water.

It snowed and was cold, but it was still amazing. We soaked it all up!

i L O V E february

It was a beautiful week.
Valentine's Day and my birthday!
Oh, I love February.

I turned 40! How exciting is that?
I feel so young!

My amazing husband brought lunch and flowers to me at work, then planned and prepared an amazing dinner.

Grilled salmon, a little steak, artichokes and bruschetta {yum}!

For dessert, he made the BEST angel food cake with fresh German strawberries.

It came out of the oven, then promptly flopped.

It still tasted wonderful- even better as they sang Happy Birthday to me! I'm not one who ever needs to be in the spotlight, but it is wonderful to feel so loved and remembered.

I am so blessed and can not imagine a more perfect life than I have. Not always easy, but perfect to me.

Justin sacrificed by skipping English {yikes} to be able to Skype me a Happy Birthday... how does a mom get mad at that?

It was also so nice to receive calls, packages and so many messages from friends and family.
SO much fun!

Along with a couple surprises, we are taking a quick weekend trip together to Stockholm, Sweden in a couple of weeks.

We can't wait to see another amazing city in Europe. It won't be warm, but promises to be spectacular.

I can hardly wait!

H E L L O is it me you're looking for?

I don't think it would have mattered what city we were in or who we saw or if we even saw anyone in concert.

There is something magical about just being alone together.

We love our boys, but to be without kids for a whole twenty-four hours was fabulous.

No rush, no one to feed, no one cold or tired. It was so rejuvenating.

For us, an early anniversary evening since our anniverary is in January.

I couldn't stop smiling, I felt like a giddy eighth grader the whole night.

We really need to do it more often especially since the boys seemed to do just fine without us.

It was comforting having good friends {Ty's girlfriend and other close friends} in our village who were close for the boys to play with after school and fed them as well.

Ty let them stay up late, they all slept in our room and everyone was happy.

Plus, they made it to the bus in the morning. I told Ty if he overslept- he'd be stuck with the littles all day long.

You better believe he woke up to his alarm. He wasn't about to let that happen!

We thought these condiment containers at the arena were kind of cool. You know they put mayo on their fries over here, right?

I could have been anywhere with my amazing man and it wouldn't have mattered.

The fact that we got to see and listen to Lionel Richie for almost two hours was incredible.

His voice is amazing. His piano-playing ability always impressive and probably what I love most about him. That and the fact that has written and can sing some beautiful love songs.

It was the concert that you can sing along {and dance} to almost every song since we've all heard them about a thousand times. A little Commodores {Brick House}, a little dancing {Dancing on the Ceiling}, a lot of love...{Ballerina Girl, Endless Love sans Diana Ross, Say You, Say Me.... and on and on and on}.

Loved it. I'm still singing it a week later... {Deep River Woman was stuck in my head most of today...}. I'd see him again in a heartbeat. Jim did really, really well with this surprise.

Today is Justin's birthday. He's 19!
He gets to fly all day long with a ticket to Germany for his birthday!

Not a cool birthday, but I think we'll make it up to him.
We can hardly wait to get him home. He can hardly wait to get here.
Oh, it's going to be a fun break. 

C O L O G N E dom

We fell in love with Cologne.
What an amazing city. What a breathtaking Cathedral. How in the world did they build it?

The foundation stone of the Gothic Cathedral was laid on August 15, 1248. Work was put to a stop in 1473. They picked back up with the original plans in the 19th century and was completed in 1880.

 

The towers are approximately 515 feet tall.

We looked up the height of the St. Louis arch- it is 630 feet tall.

The Eiffel Tower is 1063 feet tall to put things into perspective. 

 

Look at the amazing organ pipes.

If only we could have heard them.

How loud would that be?

Christmas markets are a great time on their own. To go to this Christmas market in the Cathedral square made for an exciting couple of hours. The vendors are fun. The art is beautiful.
The dogs are everywhere well mannered walking on their leashes.

The food is really good. Here, we had yummy fried potato pancakes with the best {ever} applesauce. I could have eaten a whole bowl of that applesauce. We also had a delicious brat, of course and the best ever sauteed mushrooms in some kind of delicious cream sauce.

We had to try one of each.

Oh, so hot and yummy on a cold day! The best part of the whole afternoon was realizing that we STILL had Lionel to go see. I think I said that at least five times. Oh, he was good.

twin B E D S and dogs

It was a magical twenty-four hours for us.

It is amazing what a quick escape can do for the spirit. Cologne, the Dom and Lionel Richie made for an absolutely unforgettable experience with my man.

We picked our hotel based on location and couldn't have been more happy with our selection.

It was perfect.

Just a four-minute walk {as long as you don't get lost} from the arena and a fiften-minute walk to Old Town and the Dom, we could not have had a more perfect location.

After two years Europe, we still find fun to notice the differences between Germany and the US.

We love it.

We love how clean it is here.

Somewhere between the top-of-the line four-star hotel and the youth hostel down the street, we found a cozy three-star hotel offered at a really great price.

We would go back in a heartbeat. It was clean. It was friendly. It was the typical German hotel with dogs and twin beds.

They must love their space.
Even booking a room for two, you get single beds. Full-size at best.

It didn't do me any good to add in the notes section while booking, "queen-size bed if possible would be appreciated."

Most we have slept in are connected with a nice wooden piece in between. Separate duvets, of course. Oh, and no sheets.

This time around we truly had single beds.

I was reminded each time during the night as I habitually tried to scoot closer to Jim.Each time, instead of any getting closer I felt the wheels turn as our metal-framed beds rolled further and further apart.

Dogs. Germans love their dogs. I don't think we have been to a hotel yet that did not have dogs. Big dogs, little dogs- it does not matter.

This was no exception. While in the lobby, we kept seeing them run around. Finally, the girl told us there were seven little guys total.

They just bop around while minding their own business.

We checked into our hotel early, parked the van and set off first to spend the afternoon at the Cathedral and the Christmas Market.

We have seen a few Cathedrals. None quite like this one.

B A S K E T B A L L and an A N N I V E R S A R Y

This past weekend was our first basketball game. I mean- Coleman and Caden's first basketball game. It was also our anniversary- such a happy day!

I often tease Jim that when we're old, we might have to wear coordinating jackets or matching hoodies- so we're dressed alike. Especially out in public as so many older couples do.

Is this something that they've always wanted {to dress alike}, or something that just happens when you hit the senior-citizen years? Who knows, but it always makes me giggle- I think it's so cute.

I realized with our anniversary and game on the same day- we did dress alike! How sweet. Basketball was a little rough {especially for Jim}, the rest of the day- not too bad! Life is good.

she thought I was G E R M A N

What a delightful weekend, and it is only Sunday! Lately, we've been so hungry for some good fish. The boys love it all. Jim and I especially love halibut- one of the best things that comes out of Alaska in our opinion. But, fish is so expensive! I can't even justify buying the frozen itty bitty filets at the commissary.

Going on the recommendation of friends, yesterday we headed out to find a store by the name of Cora. We were told it's the place to buy fish. For us, it was an afternoon date with some much-needed time alone. We told the boys we were going shopping so of course they all opted out. The big boys agreed to hang home with the little boys without even a complaint- so nice.

Only about a thirty-minute drive from our house, we headed west and crossed over the border into France for our little shopping date. As soon as we walked in the door, we headed to the toilette to start our French experience. While in line waiting for a toilet to open up, I noticed the first stall open. I pointed to it for the lady in front of me to see if she'd take it. In marker, Enfant was written on the door, but it was empty and wide open.

She said something, then must have noticed my blank stare in spite of my friendly smile. She then said, "Deutsch?" Did she actually think I was German?

I couldn't believe it! Could I possibly blend in with these Europeans? Although sporting one of my nicer pairs, I was wearing flip flops which I hear is a dead give away of being an American girl. Seriously, almost anywhere on the economy I go, I notice the women look down at my feet- usually in disapproval. That's the only style of shoe this chicky wears nine months of the year- I can't help it.

I promptly replied, "English."

"Aah," she said as she explained the first bathroom was for children- Infants. So funny but more than that, I noticed how friendly she was. This carried on throughout the store- people were smiling, happy and so pleasant. Made for a good first impression and experience in this new country. I'm starting to think the Germans might possibly be the most serious of the Europeans. It's hard to tell if they are even happy.

On with our shopping, we loved looking around. The fresh, beautiful produce was amazing. The fish and seafood looked to have been dropped off straight from the boat.

Then, there was the bakery. 

Delicious pasteries, tortes and fruit-covered cakes. Almost too beautiful to eat, we wanted to try a bite of each.

We bought a little salmon a sample of pasteries for the boys and of course, we had to buy French bread. We were in France, of course!

In the parking lot, Jim noticed a van set up to change out tires. Who needs a building or a shop? It was a one-stop tire shop on wheels. We're still trying to figure out how to pronounce the word in blue writing on the van. Any takers?

Not even knowing a word of French, I feel a little inspired to learn a few basics. Unprepared, I didn't even know how to say thank you, or sorry, or please. I hated that. It also made me realize in spite of feeling completely inadequate, I might know a little more German than I think I do.

There's so much to learn.

i know i am P A T H E T I C

I know I sound pathetic. For the record, I have managed to keep things together even on my own. I have also changed up the music and have been cranking up the hip hop. Everything doesn't run quite as smoothly when Jim's gone, but we somehow manage to make it. I like to kick in to organization mode, but it just didn't happen this trip. He'll have to overlook the house and be happy with clean sheets upon his return this time.

Usually, time apart is {if nothing else} a great time for reflection and always makes me want to be a better, more dedicated wife. Again, while I do get sad I think I'm most grateful for a wonderful partner. Not just an ok marriage. Life's tough, it's nice to be in love with the one I'm with.

In spite of sounding completely depressed and worthless, here are a few of my other single mom accomplishments from the last month on my own:
- made it up on time every day with no one late to school {this is kinda BIG- I'm not a morning person}
- got garbage out every Monday... even the right can/bags
- made my bed and got dressed every day
- kept up with my running schedule {2-3 times per week}
- everyone was fed dinner every night... even if we had cereal a couple times
- little guys were put to bed every night even with stories and a kiss good night

Busy weekend here... it's a ball game for Coleman tonight and European Championships for Justin today and tomorrow. Coleman and Caden are also in a run on base tomorrow morning... Should all be great! I'm sure I'll take an abundance of photos... fun stuff.

no more V A C A T I O N S daddy

My heart is full today, my brain mush.

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I have more than enough to do, I'm just struggling to get anything checked off my list. Caden and I decided to go out for lunch to try to break up the day. On the way out the door Caden said, "When daddy gets home, I'm going to tell him not to go on any more vacations." I couldn't agree more.

It doesn't help that I have a Chicago Love Songs CD in the car and have played it way too much. Caden asked me why I like it. I told him it makes me think of Daddy. Now, when he hears a line he'll repeat it back to me in the form of a question. Just a glimpse into our conversations: "Ooohhhh... no one needs you more than I really means no one needs you more than daddy, right?" or "I get it... just say you love me for the rest of your life... is the rest of you and daddy's life, right? He gets it {a little}.

With the end of this time apart in sight, I've been thinking a lot about myself and also a lot about separation. It's part of life in the military. I know this. With the jobs that Jim has been in, we just haven't had to deal with it.

Even with him being gone the last four out of five weeks, I still feel as though I have absolutely no room to complain. It's still so difficult for me.

I just wonder why I'm so weak. Why can't I be stronger? I want to be strong, I just haven't figured it out yet.

My cousin is a part of the Strykers in the Army and leaves his family for 12-18 months at a time. He's done this several times. I can't even comprehend life without my best friend for that long of a time. A friend here is in the middle of her husband being gone for a 12-month deployment. She's on her own with four boys- one a little guy. Another friend is getting ready for a five-month deployment. He goes at least once a year it seems. We routinely have friends deployed for four to six months at a time.

The most we've ever been apart has been here in Germany and it has been a short two weeks. The few trips that he's taken before here, we were able to text or call several times a day. With these last two trips, we've been able to Skype at least twice a day. Not only do I get to talk to him, I get to see him as well. I know he's safe. I get to hear him tell me he loves me every.

Caden's kept the car clean... such a daddy's little guy

How did earlier military wives do it when their husband went off to war and letter writing was their only means of communication? They likely didn't know when they would return until they would walk in the door. I have a {wonderful} husband who really does not like to write. He would definitely be in trouble.

Again, I can't imagine.

I'd like to think if and when the time comes that we have to be apart for a longer duration of time that I'll be able to step up to the plate and come through stronger in the end. For now, I feel lucky. Not just lucky that we are together most of the time.

Lucky that I know what it feels like {every minute of every day} to be so in love.
He's truly the man of my dreams.

opening D A Y

It's another German holiday today- Easter Monday. What the heck? Another Monday without garbage pick up and I'm not sure when they'll make it up. Hopefully, tomorrow.

I took a small bag of garbage with me on base this morning and dumped it in a parking lot garbage. I might need to start doing this every time I head to the base- what a pain. I have no can to put it in. Better yet, maybe I should sent it with Justin and Ty to school to dump- think that would fly?

I'm thinking I should take a holiday as well- it was a busy weekend. At one point in my life {a long, long time ago} there was a time that I longed to be a single mom. I just wanted to take my boys and run as fast as I could- I couldn't wait to be on my own and out of the miserable dysfunctional {to put it lightly} relationship I was in.  

Anyone who has gone through that horrible process can maybe understand the desire for freedom and a fresh start.

Now, being in a fabulous marriage with a husband as not only my partner but my best friend- I can't ever seem to get enough of him. On my own this week, I've had a little reminder of what it is like to be a single mom and I don't like it- at all. On the home stretch this week, I can't wait to be together again.

This weekend was quite busy with four boys needing to be in four different places on Saturday. Luckily, they were close and I was able to juggle them all. Coleman and Caden had opening day of baseball season.

They had a parade, the national anthems {German and English} and first pitch was thrown out to start their season. Both boys then had their first games- very exciting.

Justin and Ty had a home track meet and both did very well.  Justin placed in both shot and disc although he wasn't as happy as he would like. Extremely competitive by nature, he really wants to do well.

Ty made it through both of his hurdles events even still struggling with shin splints. He placed well in the 110 hurdles, but knows his time was faster. He'll get there. He was on board to run a 4x400 but pulled out at the last minute.

Hopefully, they just keep improving... he's ready to run! They just found out this week that not only do they get to go to England for a track meet, they also have a meet in Holland. Very cool for them.

my huge C R U S H

I love this picture. I only wish it was recent. Even being cropped at the waist, the fact that I was in a bikini, in public and allowed a picture {likely asked for it} combine to make a very distant yet fond memory of days when I was in shape.

We all have our fears. One of my greatest fears is the gym- specifically the weight room. I would rather give  a speech in front of a congregation of 500 or probably even 1000 than walk in to a weight room alone with the expectation of working out. I'm extremely intimidated and have yet to get over it.

In high school, while I played volleyball I never had a lot of upper body strength. Of course, my coach being the good man he was let me know this often and that I needed to get in to the gym. The summer before my senior year, he even met me at the gym and walked me through a weight circuit to increase my strength. I paid for a three-month membership and never stepped another foot in the gym. I was terrified and never did do it on my own. What a waste.

In a high school weight training class that I was in, I remember the panic and fear I felt having to test in order to pass the class. I was working for a chiropractor at the time and think I somehow got him to write me a note that my back was bad, {or some other lame, made-up excuse} so I couldn't test and I got out of it. Something stupid like that. My fear goes back a bit- way back.

After Tyler was born, I started taking fitness classes since I was at school anyway finishing up my degree. I enjoyed these- but none included weight lifting. Water aerobics, step aerobics, aerobic kickboxing and racquetball- anything but weights. I even remember loving aerobics so much the thought crossed my mind that it would be cool to maybe teach someday. I was in shape one day way back when...

One of the things Jim and I really loved to do as we were dating was work out together. Quite the extreme opposite of me, he's most comfortable in the weight room and loves lifting. In his single days, he would easily spend three hours a day working out. As it's taken a back seat for the past few years, he's slowly getting back in to a groove. He's also quite disciplined and has been getting up to an alarm set to 4:45 every morning. He's asked me to go, I always turn him down in spite of the fact that I'm not happy with my body right now.

With the strong encouragement of a new friend here, I had a light-bulb moment this week and realized I'm just so full of excuses. The boys let me know that she's like to go on a bike ride with me. Sounds great, right? My problem- she takes 30-mile bike rides. That's not 30 miles a week or a month. She treks 30 miles at one time in one day through these rolling hills of Germany that make up our backyard. I confessed to her that I'd love to bike with her, but I'm just {a lot} afraid of her. I have to get in shape if I'm ever going to make it even a mile.

She asked why I wasn't getting up and going with Jim in the mornings. With Justin and Ty here, the little guys are fine, right? We could take two cars and I could be back with plenty of time to get them off to the bus. My only answer for her, "I'm lazy."

Today was my second day {morning} in the weight room with my husband. My heart is so full. I watch him and can't believe that I actually get to share a bed {a house, our boys, a life} with this amazing man. He's tender and sensitive, knowledgeable and strong. So strong. He feels like my own personal trainer and I'm flooded with these giddy feelings as if I have this huge crush on this hunk of a man who is helping me. Almost distracting enough to forget about the people, the mirrors, the weights and the gym that I'm standing in and so afraid of. 

What a way to start the day out spending an hour together- we're both loving it. I can't move my arms without feeling pain and I'm told my back will be sore tomorrow- it can only get easier, right?

san A N T O N I O texas

He's gone again. This time it's a two-day conference in San Antonio, Texas. As much as I hate to say goodbye, I can not complain when I am surrounded by women dealing with four-month and year-long deployments. Putting it in perspective, I can handle sleeping alone for three nights.

When Jim found out about this trip, he asked if I wanted to take him to the airport. Of course, I agreed without thinking it through. The more I did think about it- driving to Frankfurt {1 1/2 hrs from our house} and navigating the fifth-largest city in Germany, I felt a little intimidated. Especially considering my run in with the police at the train station just last month. Luckily, he had a better option and he took it. There is a shuttle that picked him up here at our house this morning {bright and early at 5:30} and dropped him off at the airport. Upon returning, it will bring him back- straight to our house. Pretty nifty. No stress about getting lost {hearing our GPS recalculating a dozen times} or even missing his flight. No stress for me having to deal with those idiot airport "police" who freak out if you stop for even half a second. I can't stand them and have let them know it in the past. The ones in Anchorage are the absolute worst- Wichita airport is a little more laid back. As impatient as they are in the US, I can't imagine dealing with the German equivalents here.

Caden is a little upset that his dad actually gets to go to the "United States of America" where they speak English {in his own words}. He's been so upset about the fact he didn't get to go, I think he's forgotten that he's stuck with me putting him to bed tonight. I'm realizing he's a little more affected by the language barrier than I was aware. The other day, we were trying to find a building- on base. I stopped at the pool and asked a guy where it was. He gave me specific directions {straight down this road, third building on the left} that I couldn't mess up. Wrong building. I was a bit irritated as we had to ask someone else where to go. As we got in the car, I said to Caden, "Ugghhh... I can't believe that guy told me the wrong place." Caden's {very calm} response was, "Well, at least he spoke English."

K I N D A like a lowes

Lowe's is one of my favorite stores. Call me crazy. I'll never forget the one of the first times Jim and I went to Lowe's together. He probably couldn't believe how much I loved the smell of wood. I was just so excited to have a man who loved power tools, knew how to use them and would make anything and everything I ever wanted him to do. We love doing projects together. Usually, I have an idea of something that I want done and he agrees to do it {without a complaint}. Sometimes, the price is a new tool which I usually agree. Jim's motto is "you gotta have the right tools". Now that he has most of the tools he'll ever need for any project I could come up with {that's my opinion, definitely not his opinion} he's out of luck and stuck with what he has.

Yesterday, we decided to take a trip to the local hardware/home store here. It definitely took us a while to find our way around as it is all in German- of course. But, we still enjoyed walking {in circles, at times} and looking at everything. I thought the little store locator on the carts was a cool thing- if you can read it. Just letting you know what aisle major things are on is a great idea that I've never seen before. Maybe this cuts down on the amount of talking and asking they have to do. Along with just about every other German store I've been in, was insanely quiet. Everyone seemed to be either not talking or whispering at the most. I'm not exaggerating.

While looking at the prices of wood {and of course, taking in the scent}, Jim ran in to a guy he worked with in Charleston- more than twelve years ago. What a small world. Neither remembered the others name, but both remembered working together. In fact, the guy told us that Jim had come to mind not too long ago. He recalled a time that they were working together and had to paint something in their shop. He wanted to just paint the front of it and be done. Jim told him something to the effect of, "If we're going to do it, we may as well do it right." So, they ended up painting the front and back. Not too long ago, he was working on a task, and he said Jim's words echoed through his head, "If you're going to do it, you may as well do it right." What a cool thing to stand out as being remembered for.

I was taken back. I already think my husband is all that, but to hear something so good from someone else was such a compliment to the man I was lucky enough to marry. Funny thing is, I desperately need some kind of bookcase. For some reason, we don't own one. With everything hinging on selling our house, we've been holding out on buying anything until we're back to one house payment. Once we do sell it, I've been planning on making a trip to IKEA for a bookshelf. I like their clean, simple style. Jim thinks a lot of what they sell is the pressed board that is cheap. He likes solid wood. So, we've had this debate. He finally said he'd rather just build me a bookcase. He'd do whatever I wanted just so that it's done right- sturdy and it will last. When his friend asked us what we were looking at, we told him Jim was going to build a bookcase. He laughed and said, "You know IKEA is just down the road, right?" Jim told him he wanted something a little more sturdy. He joked, "Sounds like you haven't changed a bit." This is a good thing.

i miss him {already}

It was a rather L O N G  day just knowing my husband is out of town. He made it safely to Paris and we've already Skyped a couple times. Believe it or not, I used to be the super independent one who did just fine on my own. Then, we met and my walls came tumbling down. Some couples do well with time apart. We prefer to be together if at all possible. I don't know what I'll ever do if Jim has a long deployment- I really just like him around all the time! Being gone at work is long enough for me. Times like these that he's gone for just a couple days are a reminder of how much I really love having him around and a reminder to me that when our whole family isn't home, it just doesn't feel right.

one W E E K, really?

I'm not quite sure what I was thinking. It's been one week exactly since the movers showed up at our door and proceeded to unload our household goods. Of course, in the weeks leading up to our delivery I had it all figured out {in my head}. I knew where most of it would go and how I'd go about putting it away. In my estimate, I really thought within a week {no kidding} I'd be in a good place with just about everything in place. Today, I'm pretty sure I forgot to take "real life" in to consideration. Half a day getting our van, up all night with a sick Coleman, day trip with the boys, Caden having an "off" day, cooking dinner... As hard as we work each day, every room still feels like a total wreck to me with boxes everywhere. Once settled in our last house, I repeatedly expressed {quite loudly} that I NEVER wanted to move again- ever, ever, ever! I'm now reminded why... moving is simply exhausting- that's all there is to it!

Total CHAOS... Caden's such a good helper... Ugh!!

One thing Jim and I seem to do really well is tackle projects together. The boys {especially Justin} are absolutely convinced that we love to work. We love home improvement, we love clean, we love organization, we love being together. But, I'm not so sure that completely means we love to work- it just happens that way- we work! Plus, we want our boys to learn the value of hard work. The projects with our house and land in Kansas were never ending... finishing our basement, our shop, our land, our business, the boys... it really was a full three years. One thing we are learning about ourselves in this stage of life is that we are terrible at estimating completion times or dates for these projects we get wrapped up in. Once we start on something we like to finish it- quickly. Why take six months to finish our basement {like normal people} when we can do it in six weeks working every spare second of the day and night while KILLING ourselves at the same time? We're not afraid to undertake big jobs, but you'd think by now we would learn to pace ourselves. This move is no different. We have our beds put together and dressers are in place. Our living room is set up and comfortable. This weekend, we worked on our kitchen together- the one room I've struggled with the most. Jim set up two shelving units in our laundry room as an extension of our kitchen since next to nothing fits in our little kitchen. A table that once was a living room accent piece now makes a nice microwave stand and the drawers are full of kitchen utensils. We're getting there, I just have to remind myself to be patient. Maybe one room a week would be more realistic...