no more V A C A T I O N S daddy

My heart is full today, my brain mush.

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I have more than enough to do, I'm just struggling to get anything checked off my list. Caden and I decided to go out for lunch to try to break up the day. On the way out the door Caden said, "When daddy gets home, I'm going to tell him not to go on any more vacations." I couldn't agree more.

It doesn't help that I have a Chicago Love Songs CD in the car and have played it way too much. Caden asked me why I like it. I told him it makes me think of Daddy. Now, when he hears a line he'll repeat it back to me in the form of a question. Just a glimpse into our conversations: "Ooohhhh... no one needs you more than I really means no one needs you more than daddy, right?" or "I get it... just say you love me for the rest of your life... is the rest of you and daddy's life, right? He gets it {a little}.

With the end of this time apart in sight, I've been thinking a lot about myself and also a lot about separation. It's part of life in the military. I know this. With the jobs that Jim has been in, we just haven't had to deal with it.

Even with him being gone the last four out of five weeks, I still feel as though I have absolutely no room to complain. It's still so difficult for me.

I just wonder why I'm so weak. Why can't I be stronger? I want to be strong, I just haven't figured it out yet.

My cousin is a part of the Strykers in the Army and leaves his family for 12-18 months at a time. He's done this several times. I can't even comprehend life without my best friend for that long of a time. A friend here is in the middle of her husband being gone for a 12-month deployment. She's on her own with four boys- one a little guy. Another friend is getting ready for a five-month deployment. He goes at least once a year it seems. We routinely have friends deployed for four to six months at a time.

The most we've ever been apart has been here in Germany and it has been a short two weeks. The few trips that he's taken before here, we were able to text or call several times a day. With these last two trips, we've been able to Skype at least twice a day. Not only do I get to talk to him, I get to see him as well. I know he's safe. I get to hear him tell me he loves me every.

Caden's kept the car clean... such a daddy's little guy

How did earlier military wives do it when their husband went off to war and letter writing was their only means of communication? They likely didn't know when they would return until they would walk in the door. I have a {wonderful} husband who really does not like to write. He would definitely be in trouble.

Again, I can't imagine.

I'd like to think if and when the time comes that we have to be apart for a longer duration of time that I'll be able to step up to the plate and come through stronger in the end. For now, I feel lucky. Not just lucky that we are together most of the time.

Lucky that I know what it feels like {every minute of every day} to be so in love.
He's truly the man of my dreams.