Wednesday, May 4, 2011

in U N I F O R M

I'm normally not one to worry excessively about anything. That doesn't mean I don't get stressed out- that happens plenty, especially in the last six months. I am {and always have been} one who can usually pull things together at the last minute, sometimes that's when I work the best. Why worry for two weeks about an assignment or task when it can be completed in an evening? Not a great quality, I know.

I like to think I'm an optimist and rarely expect the worst to happen. I get worked up about certain things, but overall feel pretty calm most of the time even in the midst of the craziness and happy chaos in a family with four boys.

Yesterday, that wasn't the case.

Jim let me know he was going to stop at a German grocery store on his way home from work. I didn't think twice about it. At about 4:00, he emailed me to let me know he was getting ready to head out. I anticipated him to walk in the door by 5:00 at the latest. When 5:30 rolled around and he wasn't home, the anxiety kicked in. Within minutes, I was terrified. Terrified he wasn't home knowing he went out on the economy in his uniform. A little paranoid, maybe. However, this is the first time in my life I have experienced this kind of anxiety and paranoia. It's also the first time I've lived abroad.

It's a very uncomfortable {putting it mildly} feeling to be in a foreign country and well aware that those around us are not always fond of Americans. Especially in light of the events this week, the world is not in harmony with decisions the US government has made. We're grateful to be in Germany {did I really just say that?} but it is still far from being on American soil.

I'm sure everyone in our village knows we are an American household. I have Willkommen on our front door, flowers in pots and hang laundry- doesn't matter. We just got a magazine delivered to our mailbox and the tag line reads, "the magazine for the American community..." Ok, they know. But, when hanging laundry, I still feel the need to turn the clothing with US flags, or Jim's uniforms to the inside or hidden a little so it's not so blatent. It's a strange feeling- I'm definitely not ashamed, but more concerned with hanging it all out there.

While grocery shopping in uniform in the US {as much as he hated it} Jim regularly had people shake his hand out of no where and thank him for his service to our country. Usually, it was the older couples who would stop him in the aisles- always a proud moment for me to watch.

Yesterday, he made it home just fine. He was held up in his office, but did say he got quite a few glares from other shoppers in the German store. Could have been the normal German stare, or more- who knows?

Even being late, he did walking in with flowers in hand and a wife relieved and happy to see him.

It doesn't make me feel any better receiving this alert today, but I do have a greater appreciation for the freedoms of living in the United States. Next month, he's going to a country that I can't even pronounce. I might be a little stressed again.

Worldwide travel alert

Due to current world events, U.S. citizens overseas are encouraged to limit travel outside their homes and hotels, and avoid mass gatherings and demonstrations. U.S. citizens should stay current with local media coverage and maintain awareness of surroundings at all times.

1 comment:

The Dickey Family said...

Hey Sheila,

If if makes you feel any better I actually have been on medication for anxiety. This winter was so hard for me... most winters are hard here for me due to the lack of light. That coupled with a hard situation I kinda of spiraled a little and finally went in for the help. Not saying that will happen to you...
I tried one medication and it totally messed me up for three days. I couldn't eat or sleep at all. Then I went off it and decided I would just try to get better on my own. However, I couldn't do it.After about 3 more weeks, I hit a low and had a friend take me in to the doctor. I have been on Celexa for a good month and it has helped tremendously( with a little Xanax for the panic attacks)I have never experienced this in my life until now, very scary. I don't believe I will always need it ... just to get me through the rough time. I do think the lack of sun just gets me out of balance. Anyway, didn't want to tell family because of fear of what they might think of me. However, I have found out that many women around here, strong women, are on anxiety medication and it is more common than I thought.
I do not think medicine alone has helped me...it has been a combination of things, but it has taken the edge off and I feel more like myself everyday. Take care and try not to worry. Trusting in God to take care of us is the opposite of worry and it has helped me to put my thoughts on Him.
Love, Jen